Christina Lundberg: What Scares Me City

Spring '08 TOC

Breathing scares me, when I can’t,
and my head goes blank and I fall fast
in this space that becomes so huge and deep
that I can’t catch myself anywhere in it 
and I have no arms and go blind
and need to tell someone
I am not feeling known
or recognizable and I don’t know
what is going to happen now, something horrible 
look both ways, just in case someone is watching 
and lock all your doors twice no three times
and stay away from the television
because of the “you can’t get away” music
and the image overdose attacks
that the eyes choke down
and the next thing you know
you have witnessed murders and all sorts of crimes
but your doors are locked
wait I better check again
and I am afraid of leaving the stove on
and I will come home to a burned down apartment
and my poor cat
oh, I am afraid that I’ll get into a car accident
or you will
and of stray men
or men in groups
that are walking down the street
and teenagers who have nothing to loose
oh and I am hearing that crime is increasing
in our neighborhood and I am afraid to walk outside
by myself after dark
and inside imagining break-ins 
and I am afraid of getting in my car sometimes
and getting out of it
and I am afraid of not being talkative enough
and not ever knowing what to do when my co-workers break out into musicals,
and I am afraid of getting injured, and getting cancer and ulcers and food poisoning
and I am afraid of forgetting what day it is and everything that happened yesterday
and I am afraid of people who don’t smile and when someone stands too close to me
and asks me if there is any food in their teeth
and I am afraid for all the homeless people out there holding up signs
and how I might become one of them
and I am afraid of the sound of footsteps coming towards me
and I am afraid that people see a ghost when they look at me
and I am afraid that I will not even know if I go crazy
and I may just fall right out of this body at any moment.

:: TOC ::

Not Enough Night
Not Enough Night
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