Parents & Families

Experiencing your children moving away can be one of the biggest changes in your life, and mostly goes unrecognized in our culture. Honor that you and your family are experiencing a major transition. While your child’s safety and well-being are of the utmost importance, your self-care is going to help you the most in this transitional time. The following lists are resources that you might use take care of yourself. Having a self-care “toolbox” made up of several different strategies is most helpful.

Honoring Transition

Often there are only a few transitions in our lives that are given cultural recognition (weddings, funerals, graduations) when, in fact, adults go through many transitions. A child leaving the home can be one of the biggest transitions you experience in your life. Give yourself time and space to honor the impact of this change. Here are some ideas on ways to honor this transition.

• It is normal to experience a range of emotion as you experience a child or children leaving the home.  Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up. Fighting them will only make them feel more unmanageable. If your feelings are becoming unmanageable, consider seeing a counselor or therapist to help you through this transition. Asking for help is a sign of strength and resourcefulness. 
  

• Being a parent is one aspect of your life. What are the other roles you play? Part of honoring ourselves is seeing the entirety of who we are. 

• Consider what ‘family’ means to you. Who is supportive of you? Spend time with people who can honor your journey. 

• Talk with your family about what this change means to you. How is your relationship with your spouse or partner different now? How is it the same? 

• Seek support from family and friends. Ask others how they have dealt with similar transitions. 

• Doing a ritual to mark this life transition can be deeply rewarding. A ritual can be as simple as burning sage to start anew, or as complex as holding a ceremony with others. Make it yours.

• Consider creating a sacred space in your home. You might use it for journaling, meditating, praying, or making art. This space might be a corner, a table, or an entire room. Make it work for you. 

• Have a conversation with your family about how you will use the space that was/is your child’s bedroom. There is no “right” way to go about it, but involving the whole family in the dialogue is important. 

• Times of transition can allow us to make other changes in our lives. What changes have you been waiting to make? Perhaps now is the time to implement some of your ideas. 

Self-Care Strategies

• Make sure you are getting enough rest, eating well-balanced meals, and doing some moderate exercise regularly. If you are having trouble with any of these, consider seeing a counselor to help you get back on track.

• Consider pursuing a new interest. What is something that you have always wanted to do?

• Look into classes and/or groups that are being offered in your community. Some community centers offer dance classes, yoga, photography, or other introductory lessons. 

• Yoga can be rewarding on many levels. There is a plethora of instructional books, CDs, and DVDs that can help you get started with a yoga practice. Contrary to what you might have heard, you do not have to be limber in order to practice yoga! 

• Have fun! Set aside time for yourself for pure fun. Sometimes play is solitary and sometimes it’s with others. A mixture of both is best. Everyone has a different way of playing. Consider what might bring more joy to your life. 

• Mindfulness and meditation are great ways to take care of ourselves. They benefit the mind and body, and have been found to reduce stress and improve sleep. Here are some mindfulness and meditation resources:

Books

Reading about mindfulness and meditation can inform us on how to begin. The authors of these books are some of the most well-known teachers, but there are many more. Decide what style is most appealing to you and try it out. 

• Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn

• Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn

• Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh

• After the Ecstacy, the Laundry: How the Heart Grows Wise on   the Spiritual Path by Jack Kornfield

• Ordinary Magic: Everyday Life as Spiritual Path by John  Welwood

Websites 

Most of the following websites offer online courses or talks about cultivating mindfulness.

• UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Center

• Dharma Seed

• Mind & Life Institute

• The Center for Contemplative Mind in Society

 

Books for Parents

• Almost Grown: Launching Your Child from High School to College, by Patricia Pasick

• Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years, by Helen Johnson

• Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the College Years, by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Teeger

• The Launching Years: Strategies for Parenting from Senior Year to College Life, by Laura Kastner and Jennifer Wyatt

• You’re On Your Own, But I’m Here if You Need Me: Mentoring Your Child During the College Years, by Marjorie Savage

• When Your Kid Goes to College: A Parent’s Survival Guide, by Carol Barkin

Supporting Your Daughter/Son While They Are in School

Many parents wonder how they can support their adult children while they are away from home.  Here are some ideas about how to interact with your adult child while they are away.

• Be clear. Be specific with your expectations with them as they start college. This includes topics such as alcohol and drug use, sexuality, budgeting and finances, and academics.  These conversations should be ongoing and ideally start before they move away. 

• Be aware. Remember that being away from home might be the biggest change in your child’s life so far, and they are dealing with a lot of stressors too. This is not the time to be overly strict or demanding. 

• Be supportive. Ask questions about their lives, and listen without judgment. Judging, lecturing, and prying will only cause your child to shut down. 

• Be careful. Do not romanticize your experience in college, especially if it relates to alcohol or drug use. Doing so might encourage them to use drugs and alcohol or to engage in risky behaviors.

• Be flexible. Expect your daughter or son to change. Developmentally, the college years are times of changing viewpoints, eating, lifestyle, friendships, and dress. Allow your child to ‘try on’ new ways of being. 

• Be culturally inclusive. Your child might be living in a community that is unfamiliar to you or different from your family’s community. Universities are often diverse places, which include people from a variety of races, cultures, religions, beliefs, and attitudes. Be aware of your biases and attitudes toward certain groups. 

• Be curious. Know the warning signs of problems that might be occurring. Be willing to talk with your child if you suspect that she or he is experiencing mental illness. 
• APA’s pamphlet on Warning Signs of Major Mental Illness
• Naropa University Counseling Center

 

• Be informed. Educate yourself on the warning signs of suicide. Visit these links for more information.
• National Prevention Lifeline

• The Jed Foundation. The Jed Foundation works nationally to reduce the rate of suicide and the prevalence of emotional distress among college and university students.

• Be a parent. Even though they are away, you are still your child’s parent, and you have great influence on her/him. Empower your child to make sound judgments when it comes to sex, drugs, alcohol, safety, and health. Let her know what your values and beliefs are on these topics. Ask him about his values. While you cannot control your child, you can help guide them as they make decisions.

• Be realistic. Some parents tell their children that “These are the best years of your life”.  This might be true for some. In reality, however, these are years of indecision, insecurities, disappointments, and mistakes. They are also full of discovery, inspiration, good times, and exciting people. Support your child as they experience the highs and lows of the college experience. 

• Be open. While it might have been your dream to be a poet, your child has her/his own dreams and hopes. Allow your child to be who she is. Allow time for her to explore her interests. 

• Be trusting. Your child is experiencing an important time of self-discovery, which presents many challenges. Part of that is a bit of trial and error. Trust that your child will find what’s best for her or him. 

At Naropa, the intention is that both the parents and family from home, and the Snow Lion “family” can work together to support students through their studies at Naropa. Please feel free to contact the Residential Education staff if you have any questions or concerns at 303-447-3846 (M-F, 9 a.m.–5 p.m.), or contact us by email.

Campus Resources

There is a wealth of resources for students on the Naropa University campus. They are able to access academic support, personal counseling (the counseling center is located at Snow Lion apartments), and spiritual nourishment through the many resources on campus.

Click here to explore the student resources at Naropa.

How do I ship boxes to my son or daughter?

Please do not send things ahead of time. Please schedule the boxes to come via Fed Ex or UPS August 2 or 3 and have your student bring what he/she needs until then. We do not have the capacity to receive boxes in the office at this time and the building is officially closed before move-in day. Sorry for the inconvenience.

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