Akhila Jagdish: A Letter to My Doctor

Spring '10 TOC

I fear I am mad

Doctor, don't you see?

I have found that art has tried to kill me
The weight of the warmth, towering above
shadows in graves

Art has tried to kill me, Doctor

Don't you see? My belly sinks into my
hips, bones protrude, vomit perilous in
my mouth I forget that I was

Born in blue

all that sparkles makes me close my eyes
I can see the cat morphing / dripping into
A puddle of fur and catness

I shake to expend the energy in my body

I am electric/I am on fire

He had someone to help him through his journey
Muse, have you left me out in the coldest rain,
Storms darken the sky, pieces float on

Rest assured, the storms calm I can feel my own hair moving
Thoroughly unimpressive work

Reject if broken

I think my biggest fear is that I am mad
And my biggest fear over that is that I am not

You can track a lot, you can't track me
Hold it in
Hold it in

Green is the night and out of madness woven,
The self-same madness of the astronomers
And of him that sees, beyond the astronomers,
The topaz rabbit and the emerald cat....1

In the silence, bodies break and shatter.


1. Wallace Stevens (1879–1955), U.S. poet. "The Candle a Saint."

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Not Enough Night
Not Enough Night
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