Inspired by Eileen Myles’ 1992 US Presidential Campaign SWP 2007 MFA Sourcebook, p. 285
WE WANT YOU! To let us vote in your elections. We hereby give notice that we have the right to help decide your President.
Everything you do affects us, whether we like it or not.
Most Americans think Canada is part of the US anyway.
Toronto and New York are in the same time zone. This is important, but we’re not
going to tell you why.
Vancouver and L.A. are in the same time zone. Ditto.
The procedures will be very simple. All you have to do is change your laws to allow
any Canadian citizen, landed immigrant or refugee to vote in US presidential elections.
Of course, we don’t have a clue how your Electoral College works, but then, neither
do you. Since your voting day is always Tuesday and ours is always Monday, there
won’t be any scheduling conflicts.* Each Canadian province and territory will have
polls open the same time as US states (except for Newfoundland which is in its own
time zone; they always do their own thing anyhow so they’ll stay open half an hour
later). By the way, results will NOT be announced anywhere until ALL polling stations
have closed in all regions of North America. And no exit polls, either. And there’s really no need to involve the Supreme Court
(yours or ours) in any of this.
ALL ballots will be counted by hand. We do it all the time, and it works quite well.
We’ll hire more people to speed things along.
Believe me, this system will work! Take us up on this – you’ll be glad you did.
*Yes, we want to vote in your elections – but you can’t vote in ours. No way! We’re working on Mexico next. We’ll call it NAVTA – North American Voting Tally
Brought to you by the Council of Concerned Canadians for President (CCCP)