Let Canadians Vote in US Elections

Fall '09 TOC

a woman saluting in uniform
Inspired by Eileen Myles’ 1992 US Presidential Campaign
SWP 2007 MFA Sourcebook, p. 285

WE WANT YOU! 
To let us vote in your elections.
We hereby give notice that we have the right to help decide your President.

Reasons being:

  1. Everything you do affects us, whether we like it or not.
  2. Most Americans think Canada is part of the US anyway.
  3. Toronto and New York are in the same time zone.  This is important, but we’re not going to tell you why.
  4. Vancouver and L.A. are in the same time zone.  Ditto.

The procedures will be very simple.  All you have to do is change your laws to allow any Canadian citizen, landed immigrant or refugee to vote in US presidential elections.  Of course, we don’t have a clue how your Electoral College works, but then, neither do you.  Since your voting day is always Tuesday and ours is always Monday, there won’t be any scheduling conflicts.*  Each Canadian province and territory will have polls open the same time as US states (except for Newfoundland which is in its own time zone; they always do their own thing anyhow so they’ll stay open half an hour later).  By the way, results will NOT be announced anywhere until ALL polling stations have closed in all regions of North America.  And no exit polls, either.  And there’s really no need to involve the Supreme Court (yours or ours) in any of this.

ALL ballots will be counted by hand.  We do it all the time, and it works quite well.  We’ll hire more people to speed things along.

Believe me, this system will work!  Take us up on this – you’ll be glad you did.

*Yes, we want to vote in your elections – but you can’t vote in ours.  No way!
We’re working on Mexico next.  We’ll call it NAVTA – North American Voting Tally Agreement.

Brought to you by the Council of Concerned Canadians for President (CCCP)

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