Alumni Interview
Interview with Matt Tomatz - Class of 2004

Matt entered the contemplative psychotherapy program in the fall of 2001. In January of the following year he and his classmates attended their first-year maitri retreat.

MACP's class of 2002, faculty and staff, at Shambhala Mountain Center during their third-year maitri retreat.

How was your first-year maitri retreat?

Personally, I had a positive experience at maitri and overall I think our class had a very good experience. For me, it was a chance to bond with classmates, deepen my understanding of others, and embrace a new relationship with myself.

What stands out for you about the retreat?

I find that it's strange to describe. It's not like going anywhere else, like visiting a cathedral in Italy, where you can come back and talk about the beautiful frescos and the spacious, vaulted ceilings. It's about your mind. It's a really rich experience, but it's not concrete.

Can you say what was rich about it?

It reminded me what's rich about life, and in that sense it was a healing experience. I would not say it was an easy process. At times it was very revealing, raw, and even emotionally draining. fortunately, I felt such joy throughout the retreat that there seemed to be a natural balance.

How was it for you to be part of the community while on retreat?

I felt a real sense of support from my classmates. As a community we went through some losses while we were on the retreat. One of my classmates lost her partner's father while we were there. Someone else's dog died. We worked with these events as a community and supported one another. Also, little things, like celebrating people's birthdays created an atmosphere of fun and caring.

Did you have a coffee house during the retreat?

Yes, we did. The coffee house was a special night. Classmates shared themselves in ways we don't usually get to see one another, by making offerings that represented the true beauty of each person. The maitri retreat practices seem to give birth to creativity. I think that we felt a greater freedom to express ourselves than we usually do, when we're not on retreat.

Did you encounter any difficulties within community?

There were moments when I felt at odds with others in the community. For example, sometimes we had different ideas about what it meant to observe the practice of functional talking. We all have different styles of relating to the practice and sometimes this created a sense of irritation. I learned a lot about myself in those difficult moments.

Would you comment on the maitri faculty and staff?

The faculty were tremendously supportive to us all and very knowledgeable about practice. Throughout the retreat, they offered us lots of individual attention, which was helpful. I also really appreciated being able to get different 'takes' on meditation from the various staff members.

How were the retreat facilities?

I was very comfortable up there. I found the food to be satisfactory, although not everybody felt that way.

How did you work with having to leave your life here in town for a month?

Well, there's a real-life aspect to having to have your mail taken in and your plants watered while you're gone. In my case, my wife tended to those things. Others among us made different arrangements.

It was important for me to balance being away from my wife by using the phone to check in with her periodically. On the other hand, I wanted to free myself enough so that I could remain present to the space that was up there. There is a phone at the retreat site, which we were free to use as needed. I found that it definitely is possible to be away from home for a month and not have my life fall into shambles.

Is there anything that you would like to share about your experience that might be helpful to others who will soon attend their first maitri retreat?

The maitri retreat is not something to be afraid of. I see it as something to be embraced. It is a healing experience. Overall, what you discover through the retreat is what's already there. Really it's a matter of going towards it.

I think that my classmates and I had unnecessary anxiety going into the retreat that stemmed from rumors and wrong ideas of what might happen to us while we were there. If anything, I would want to dispel that anxiety. It's not a weird mystical thing that's going to happen that will totally uproot your life. The retreat showed me how much I cook up in my mind and how incredibly ordinary and rich life is.